Tuesday, December 21, 2010
First I want to thank you all for sending us your lovely Christmas cards last year. I love getting all the friends and family updates. And seeing your cute pictures. Last Christmas was a crazy time for us and I was not up to sending cards. To be truthful, we were at the beginning of one of our greatest trials/blessings. Dec. 1st last year marks the day we found out that our unborn son had Edwards Syndrome. The doctors told us this condition is “not compatible with life”. I found it too hard to focus on well wishing greetings when the biggest and obvious trial was the only thing I could see in my life. One year later however, I am now excited to send out well wishing greetings.
Kip is still elder’s quorum president, and I’m the secretary in the stake young women’s program. I have to admit that this has been one of my favorite callings. I work with awesome women and get to plan and play at girls camp in the summer. It’s so much fun. This is my third year as PTO president, and I’m definitely learning a lot there. This year because of budget cutbacks our school cut their music program, so a friend, and I have volunteered to teach music once a week in the elementary school. We just had our Christmas concert and all went well, the kids sang and Santa came, yeah!!! Life is full, crazy and definitely an adventure.
May the Lord bless you this Christmas season. Lots of Love from the Stangers. Kip, Leejean, Wesley, Lily, Madi, and Zeke
Thursday, December 16, 2010
Sunday, December 12, 2010
Saturday, December 4, 2010
Wednesday, December 1, 2010
The Lord knowing that we would both need the emotional support of each other made sure that we were there together. I finally understood why I felt the way I did. It was His way of making sure that we were both there to hear the news together and be there for each other.
The doctor was one that I had not met before, so when he was so quiet at first I didn't know if it was his personality or if there was something wrong. He continued to look at everything for quite a while and still was not saying much. I was able to see a few things for my self but had no idea exactly what they meant. The Lord had prepared me for this. I had a feeling that everything was not going to be exactly perfect some time before this. But I figured in my head that perhaps I would have a downy (downs syndrome). But I did not discuss this with anyone. So I was not surprised by there being something, but I was surprised by what it was. Also I had for sometime not felt comfortable about praying that our little one would be healthy with no problems or complications. This I also kept close to my heart and did not speak. How do you tell someone else that you don't feel like it's right to pray for a healthy baby.
When the doctor finally did speak he started pointing out things that were "wrong" with our boy. A boy? yes a boy. oh we are having a boy. I knew it. But our boy was not "perfect". He had fluid on his brain, a hole in his heart, and his intestines were on the outside of his body (kind of like a big hernia). Of course they offered termination, which we quickly let them know was NOT an option for us. Another ultra-sound was set up for the next day with a specialist in Boise. It was here that we found out more and I had an amniocentesis. (a whole other story since I'm very needle phobic) here again the Lord blessed me and helped me through this ordeal. 2 weeks later we received the results of the amnio that confirmed what they all thought all along. Which to be quite honest felt anti-climactic. I wanted better news. Tell me we were wrong, everything is going to be ok, anything, but yep we were right. Our sweet boy was diagnosed with Trisomy 18 or Edwards Syndrome.
As we came home and shared our news with those closest to us, we found more instances where the Lord had already put into place those people who would be able to help us with this trial in our lives. Our doctor was a wonderful religious man who was sensitive to our needs. I found that my Visiting Teacher from church had also had a little boy with Edwards Syndrome. One of my aunts had had a little girl with Pa tau's Syndrome, or Trisomy 13.
Our Journey had begun. There are many many more miracles given to us as we came to know our little man. He was exactly as he should be, perfect in his own way, beautiful beyond comparison, our son Zeke Ellis Stanger. He was born March 26th. He lived just a moment, long enough to take a breath and blink at his daddy, and change our lives forever.
Saturday, November 27, 2010
Thursday, November 25, 2010
I'm greatful for a husband that respects me and never puts me down. For kids that want to be good (deep down) ;-). They are still kids afterall. What are you greatful for?
Friday, November 19, 2010
Before starting the hcg I'd had another miscarriage and my hormones were way wacked. I felt totally crazy, and not in the fun way. But I started the hcg and immediately felt better. No more crazies. :-) Through the 6 weeks my hormones have balanced out. I've been off the hcg for 1.5 days now and am still feeling good. It's also supposed to help reset my out of wack metabolism. This I am way excited about.
Besides fighting a slight cold, I feel better than I have in years, ok maybe even 8 years. It's nice to feel like you want to live and can do things other than just for survival. After 6 weeks of maintenance I can do another round of hcg if needed. We'll see when I get there. I started out at,.... ok I'm going to tell my weight here... but I think I'm ok with that....215 lbs. and am now 187 lbs. I'd still like to lose another 30 pounds, but at this time I can see the light at the end of the tunnel and I will get there. Life is Good. Pictures to come later. ;-)
Tuesday, November 16, 2010
Thursday, October 14, 2010
Wednesday, September 15, 2010
Monday, August 16, 2010
1. The temple-- I can feel such peace and love when I got there. It feels like coming home after you've been gone for some time. Once after missing a few weeks, when I was able to go again I almost cried just walking into the building, the feeling was so familiar and needed. Since Zeke passed I've been able to go almost every week. Which leads me to another "thing" I'm greatful for.
2. Friends who watch my kids so that I can go to the temple so often. Friends that I can call when I feel so crazy. Friends that I know will come at the drop of a hat, the minute they know I need help. And of course my sisters are included in my list of friends that I can count on. And friends that evne though they are far away, still love and pray for me. Friends that when you see them again, even 18 years later, are still as close as when we parted.
3. Kids. Even though they can contribute to my crazy emotions, they also still love me and depend on me even after my meltdowns. I love them. Sometimes we take turns having meltdowns. But that's normal, right? he he.
4. My sweet husband, who is so special to me that he gets his own category. I love him. There are not words to say what he does for me.
well, kids need to eat, and that means I must go to fix something. :) So i'll think somemore on this subject and perhaps that will help me through this day. :)
Monday, July 5, 2010
I feel like I'm forgetting something all the time. You know the feeling you get when you're packing for a trip and you think you may have forgotten something, but you just can't think of what it is. I just can't seem to keep my head on straight. I'm emotional and close to tears a lot of the time. I feel fat and ugly, and stupid with my words. Things just don't come out of my mouth right. I think perhaps I should not talk so much until I can reinstall my brain to mouth filter. Of course of lot of these feelings could just be postpartum. The problem is cuz I don't have the baby to care for I guess I just think that I shouldn't have to deal with all that other stuff. But it's still there. I just have to keep reminding myself that even though I don't physically have a baby here, that I did have a baby three months ago and it does take time for everything to heal. oh well. Life is still GOOD and this too shall pass.
Sunday, April 25, 2010
Zeke first checked in with me the day after Madi was born. I knew that there was another spirit waiting to come to our family. This feeling lingered with me for about a month and then he left me alone for a little over a year. I knew that we had a little boy waiting. I got pregnant in Deember of 08. The week before Christmas we miscarried. Two months later I found myself prego again. Then in April 08 we miscarried. It sound crazy but we really weren't trying. I was trying to let my body heal first, but found myself prego again in June. In July we miscarried again. Now let me assure you that our methods of prevention have worked for 7 years, but not this year. :) Zeke really wanted to come. At first I thought we were miscarrying because the first three fetusus must not have been viable. But now after having been through this experience and having had many spiritual impressions I've come to understand Zeke's calling and purpose in this life better. I now believe that he was waiting for the body that would allow him to fullfill his mission. This body was not a perfect body as to the worlds standards, but it was a body with Trisomy 18 that was perfect for what he needed to accomplish.
In Aug I found that I was again pregnant. During all of these pregnancies I could feel Zeke checking in with me. Sometimes he would follow us around for a bit. But usually he would check in for just a moment, just long enough to let me know that he was there. I got the feeling that his personality was much like his dad's; kind and gentle, generous, but doesn't like to bother others.
I was in my 20th week of pregnancy when we went in for a routine ultra sound. This was December 1, 2009. When I look back I realize that I was not shocked that something was wrong, but I was shocked by the severity of it. I'd had some impressions before this time that things may not be completely normal. So I was thinking that I might have a baby with downs, but I never shared these thoughts with anyone. As we dealt with the news that our sweet baby boy was going to have many problems and may not live very long if at all, we recieved much support. It was also during this time that I started to feel him move just once in a while, more like once or twice a day. I also noticed that as I could feel him move he was not checking in anymore on the outside. This is when I realized that his spirit was nolonger visiting us but constantly with us in his body inside of me. :)
Zeke was breach for almost all of my pregnancy. I started to feel very anxious that he was going to be born breach. I prayed very hard and talked to him to get him to turn head down. I knew this would be hard for him because he didn't move a lot and when he did his movements were small. But Zeke is an obedient child. When we went in for our last ultra sound in April, he was head down. He must have moved inch by inch very slowly because I did not feel him do it, except looking back I can remember feeling him on the sides of my belly, but I did not know at the time that's what was happening.
However, it was God's plan that he be born breach. So about a week before he was born he again inched his way back to being breach. Again I had no idea this was happening at the time. I was as surprised as the doctors to find him breach in delivery.
Zeke was born March 26th 2010 at 11:13 pm. He lived a moment, blinked at his dad, and then went back to his heavenly home. He did all that he could, which wasn't easy, to stay alive for as long as he could. He fulfilled his mission.
We are so greatful for the opportunity of having Zeke in our family and blessing our lives. we are so thankful to have met him.
Thursday, April 8, 2010
We've had so many little and big miracles to help us along the way. Zeke is one special spirit. I can still feel him hanging around with us. I'm so glad that we are a forever family, and I know that we will be able to see Zeke again, we'll be able to raise him in the millenium. I can't wait until I can put my arms around him again.
There is so much to say about our adventure that it'll have to be done in several posts. For now I feel much like an olympic gold medalist must feel like when they have to go back to the real world after such a great experience. I feel like I have done something really great and been a part of something marvelous, and now or soon have to go back to the real world. but I have hung my "medals"/pictures on the wall and hope to be able to remember every moment of our grand adventure.
Tuesday, March 23, 2010
Anyway, He went back and checked again after telling his sister that the toothfairy hadn't come. I happened to be in his sister's room, when he came running in saying, "she did come!!!" Yeah, toothfairy. She even paid him for his last tooth that he lost down the drain. I told him she must have been very busy last night. hm.... maybe she won't be so late next time. he he he.
Wednesday, March 17, 2010
About a week before my scan I dreamed that he flipped head down. In my dream I could feel him moving and so I took my hands and pushed on my belly to push his head down and in my dream I felt him go fllloppp. Head down. So i'm not sure what really happened, but I think it's fun to think that my dream was really real. Now if I could just have labor in my sleep. he he!!
Tuesday, March 2, 2010
My plan is to take the quilts with us to the hospital and after Zeke is born, hopefully while he's still alive, but if not we'll still take the pictures. One picture of him wrapped in each quilt with each of my other kids holding him. Then After he's gone they will still have that quilt and the picture to remeber him by.
Saturday, February 6, 2010
And here's the million dollar idea. They don't and the owner didn't know of any Greg Olsen pics. on funeral stuff. Anyway, so he's going to call the company and see if they can get it. Wow, if they don't we thought that would open up a whole new market for the Greg Olsen co. I think when people see those options in the booklet they would get picked all the time. So great idea, we couldn't believe that no one else had ever asked for them. Too bad we can't make money on the idea. LOL. oh well, someone will.
Monday, January 25, 2010
We're planning on getting two spaces one for me and one for Kip and then they'll put Zeke in what they call the marker row so we won't have to purchase a seperate space for him. So we're probably going to get a big marker and have all of our names put on it now instead of later then later they'll just have to put our last date. So we were talking about it and i just blurted out. Hey Kip we can come and visit our-selves. That seems kind of funny too. oh well, maybe you're thinking my sense of humor is weird. well, maybe it is. My family always told me I was weird, in a good way though. He he.
Thursday, January 21, 2010
Tuesday, January 12, 2010
Some t-18 babies have no other structural symptions, but then some have all of the symptoms. They don't know why this happens. They say that 50% of of t-18 babies are still born. of those born alive 10% might live past their first birthday. The average life expectancy is 10 days. Out little guy has almost all the symptoms. Perhaps more. he has:(for those who may be squimish you can skip the next paragraph.)
He has fluid on the brain. Some of his brain has developed but is under pressure from the fluid, and some parts have not developed. His heart has a big hole in the the ventricular wall and fluid in his abdomen which they say is indicitive of heart failure. But he does have a good heart beat right now. His intestines and possibly liver are on the outside of his abdomen. He has lots of problems and curves in his back. He does have the rocker bottom feet. And it looks like his hands might be attached at the elbows. It's possible he could have a cleft palat but we haven't seen this for sure yet, and his esophogus might not connect to his stomach. We have an ultra sound on the 20th of this month. So we'll hopefully be able to check on these last two symptoms.
Anyway, for now he is alive and well. I can usually feel him moving at least once a day. Sometimes two-three times. After we do a zone therapy session for him I can feel him move a lot more like 6-7 times in a day for a couple days. This is nice. And makes me feel like I'm actually able to help him in some way. I've also found a great group of other t-18 moms on face book. They are in all stages of the journey, Some are like me prego with a t-18 child others, are taking care of their t-18 children. It's encouraging to see these kids living. And others are dealing with the loss of their child. It's nice to be able to communicate with them and know that I am not alone.
Monday, January 4, 2010
Love you all, thanks for your prayers, your love and support!!!