Wednesday, December 1, 2010

Remembering December 1st 2009

One year ago today was a crazy day, but it does help me to remember some of the Lord's tender mercies on such a hard day.  We were scheduled for our first routine ultrasound for our pregnancy.  I felt sad and unsettled but did not know why.  I desperately wanted Kip to come to the appointment with me.  But due to work it looked like he wasn't going to be able to make it.  He also had no way of knowing how distraught I was feeling.  Kip was trying to see if he could make it, but called to tell me that he really couldn't do it.  I broke down on the phone and just cried.  My dear husband realizing the terrible state of my emotions was able to put emergency status on my needs and was able to get out of whatever work he was supposed to do.  We made it to the appointment together. 

The Lord knowing that we would both need the emotional support of each other made sure that we were there together.  I finally understood why I felt the way I did.  It was His way of making sure that we were both there to hear the news together and be there for each other. 

The doctor was one that I had not met before, so when he was so quiet at first I didn't know if it was his personality or if there was something wrong.  He continued to look at everything for quite a while and still was not saying much.  I was able to see a few things for my self but had no idea exactly what they meant.  The Lord had prepared me for this.  I had a feeling that everything was not going to be exactly perfect some time before this.  But I figured in my head that perhaps I would have a downy (downs syndrome).  But I did not discuss this with anyone.  So I was not surprised by there being something, but I was surprised by what it was.  Also I had for sometime not felt comfortable about praying that our little one would be healthy with no problems or complications.  This I also kept close to my heart and did not speak.  How do you tell someone else that you don't feel like it's right to pray for a healthy baby. 

When the doctor finally did speak he started pointing out things that were "wrong" with our boy.  A boy? yes a boy.  oh we are having a boy.  I knew it.  But our boy was not "perfect".  He had fluid on his brain, a hole in his heart, and his intestines were on the outside of his body (kind of like a big hernia).  Of course they offered termination, which we quickly let them know was NOT an option for us.  Another ultra-sound was set up for the next day with a specialist in Boise.  It was here that we found out more and I had an amniocentesis.  (a whole other story since I'm very needle phobic)  here again the Lord blessed me and helped me through this ordeal.  2 weeks later we received the results of the amnio that confirmed what they all thought all along.  Which to be quite honest felt anti-climactic.  I wanted better news.  Tell me we were wrong, everything is going to be ok, anything, but yep we were right.  Our sweet boy was diagnosed with Trisomy 18 or Edwards Syndrome. 

As we came home and shared our news with those closest to us, we found more instances where the Lord had already put into place those people who would be able to help us with this trial in our lives.  Our doctor was a wonderful religious man who was sensitive to our needs.  I found that my Visiting Teacher from church had also had a little boy with Edwards Syndrome.  One of my aunts had had a little girl with Pa tau's Syndrome, or Trisomy 13. 

Our Journey had begun.  There are many many more miracles given to us as we came to know our little man.  He was exactly as he should be, perfect in his own way, beautiful beyond comparison, our son Zeke Ellis Stanger.  He was born March 26th.  He lived just a moment, long enough to take a breath and blink at his daddy, and change our lives forever. 


michelle said...

Thanks for sharing this! I'm so sorry you had to go through this, but how grateful we are to know we will be able to see our loved ones again! My thoughts and prayers are with you today! You are such a wonderful person and I'm so glad we have reconnected after all these years! Love you, michelle

Mark and Akeey Ellis said...

I love you sis i'm so thankful for the love and understanding of our savior Jesus Christ...i know that he understand us more than we do and love us more than we know and i'm so thankful for that and thankful for your example and being strong and always be there for me love you so much...sure miss little Zeke can't wait to meet him again:)