Monday, July 5, 2010

ahhhhh! the crazies! three months.

I feel so crazy inside sometimes. i'm sure it's still grieving stuff, but I just don't know. I understand the plan that our Heavenly Father had for us. And I've been blessed with amazing spiritual experiences. I know where Zeke is and why and what he's doing there. But the mortal part of me, wait that's all of me, he he, still hurts sometimes. I'm so greatful for this experience, and all that we have learned and gotten from it. I just wish my head and body didn't feel so crazy.

I feel like I'm forgetting something all the time. You know the feeling you get when you're packing for a trip and you think you may have forgotten something, but you just can't think of what it is. I just can't seem to keep my head on straight. I'm emotional and close to tears a lot of the time. I feel fat and ugly, and stupid with my words. Things just don't come out of my mouth right. I think perhaps I should not talk so much until I can reinstall my brain to mouth filter. Of course of lot of these feelings could just be postpartum. The problem is cuz I don't have the baby to care for I guess I just think that I shouldn't have to deal with all that other stuff. But it's still there. I just have to keep reminding myself that even though I don't physically have a baby here, that I did have a baby three months ago and it does take time for everything to heal. oh well. Life is still GOOD and this too shall pass.