Christmas is in the air!

I love Christmas time!! It's in the air.  People are nicer, Christmas music on the radio, and HO HO HO every where you go.  ok maybe just a giggle or two thinking of how I'm going to try and surprise my husband with a present this year.  What to surprise the kids with.  It's just soo much fun.  Merry Christmas everyone.  lots of love to you all!!!

Spiritual Paydays

I was sitting in the temple last week and had the opportunity to be sitting by the mother of a youngman going for the first time in preparation to serve a mission.  As we talked just a little about being a mother she mentioned that these times, watching your child make good choices, are paydays for mothers.  Well today I had a mother's payday, and I suspect that my mother and my husband's mother were also experiencing a great payday as we watched my husband baptize and confirm our son.  I felt so happy my body could not contain the immense joy as it spilled over my eyes.  My poor Lily, who has seen me cry too many times to count was worried at first, and told me not to cry.  I promptly let her know that these were tears of joy, as I was able to watch my young son making the choice to follow Jesus Christ, and could also feel the presence of our Angel son, Zeke, there as well.  What a GLORIOUS night.  The spirit was so strong.  I'm so greatful for the Gospel. 

Remembering December 1st 2009

One year ago today was a crazy day, but it does help me to remember some of the Lord's tender mercies on such a hard day.  We were scheduled for our first routine ultrasound for our pregnancy.  I felt sad and unsettled but did not know why.  I desperately wanted Kip to come to the appointment with me.  But due to work it looked like he wasn't going to be able to make it.  He also had no way of knowing how distraught I was feeling.  Kip was trying to see if he could make it, but called to tell me that he really couldn't do it.  I broke down on the phone and just cried.  My dear husband realizing the terrible state of my emotions was able to put emergency status on my needs and was able to get out of whatever work he was supposed to do.  We made it to the appointment together. 

The Lord knowing that we would both need the emotional support of each other made sure that we were there together.  I finally understood why I felt the way I did.  It was His way of making sure that we were both there to hear the news together and be there for each other. 

The doctor was one that I had not met before, so when he was so quiet at first I didn't know if it was his personality or if there was something wrong.  He continued to look at everything for quite a while and still was not saying much.  I was able to see a few things for my self but had no idea exactly what they meant.  The Lord had prepared me for this.  I had a feeling that everything was not going to be exactly perfect some time before this.  But I figured in my head that perhaps I would have a downy (downs syndrome).  But I did not discuss this with anyone.  So I was not surprised by there being something, but I was surprised by what it was.  Also I had for sometime not felt comfortable about praying that our little one would be healthy with no problems or complications.  This I also kept close to my heart and did not speak.  How do you tell someone else that you don't feel like it's right to pray for a healthy baby. 

When the doctor finally did speak he started pointing out things that were "wrong" with our boy.  A boy? yes a boy.  oh we are having a boy.  I knew it.  But our boy was not "perfect".  He had fluid on his brain, a hole in his heart, and his intestines were on the outside of his body (kind of like a big hernia).  Of course they offered termination, which we quickly let them know was NOT an option for us.  Another ultra-sound was set up for the next day with a specialist in Boise.  It was here that we found out more and I had an amniocentesis.  (a whole other story since I'm very needle phobic)  here again the Lord blessed me and helped me through this ordeal.  2 weeks later we received the results of the amnio that confirmed what they all thought all along.  Which to be quite honest felt anti-climactic.  I wanted better news.  Tell me we were wrong, everything is going to be ok, anything, but yep we were right.  Our sweet boy was diagnosed with Trisomy 18 or Edwards Syndrome. 

As we came home and shared our news with those closest to us, we found more instances where the Lord had already put into place those people who would be able to help us with this trial in our lives.  Our doctor was a wonderful religious man who was sensitive to our needs.  I found that my Visiting Teacher from church had also had a little boy with Edwards Syndrome.  One of my aunts had had a little girl with Pa tau's Syndrome, or Trisomy 13. 

Our Journey had begun.  There are many many more miracles given to us as we came to know our little man.  He was exactly as he should be, perfect in his own way, beautiful beyond comparison, our son Zeke Ellis Stanger.  He was born March 26th.  He lived just a moment, long enough to take a breath and blink at his daddy, and change our lives forever. 

Happy Birthday Day Wesley!!!

Wow, eight years ago today, I was scared to death waiting to embark on the newest, grandest, and hardest adventure of my life.  I was getting ready to give birth for the first time.  I remember knowing without a doubt that I was going to die, and someone else was going to have to raise my baby.  But as you can read I did not die and my fears gave way to incredible joy as I found myself holding a new purplish little monkey-face that I found absolutely beautiful.  Now he's eight and comes up to my shoulders, can wear my shoes & socks.  He's such a good boy and I'm so proud of him.  I would "die" all over again to have him in my life.  Happy birthday to my first baby.  I love you Wesley!

Happy Thanksgiving!!!!

With so many things to be thankful for it's hard to pick just one.  Of course we all think first of our families, spouses and children, parents and siblings.  My sister said it well today when it came to her turn around the table, she said that she was thankful for the little things, like a kind husband who plugs in her phone for her at night when she forgets.  Her daughter who learns new things, and her baby son who smiles a lot.  It makes me think of all the little things I'm greatful for.  Like a dishwasher to help me with my dishes.  A warm home in the middle of the winter.  Lights that come on with the flip of a switch.  A vehicle that runs and takes me where ever I need to go. 

I'm greatful for a husband that respects me and never puts me down.  For kids that want to be good (deep down) ;-).  They are still kids afterall.  What are you greatful for?

Losing it one day at a time!

This time I'm not talking about my sanity, but my fat.  YEAH!! I've lost a whopping 30 pounds in 40 days.  I did the hcg diet.  I'm now onto phase 3 which is maintenance.  I still have some restrictions but not as much as I had for the past 6 weeks.  This has been great for me. 

Before starting the hcg I'd had another miscarriage and my hormones were way wacked.  I felt totally crazy, and not in the fun way.  But I started the hcg and immediately felt better.  No more crazies.  :-)  Through the 6 weeks my hormones have balanced out.  I've been off the hcg for 1.5 days now and am still feeling good.  It's also supposed to help reset my out of wack metabolism.  This I am way excited about. 

Besides fighting a slight cold, I feel better than I have in years, ok maybe even 8 years.  It's nice to feel like you want to live and can do things other than just for survival.  After 6 weeks of maintenance I can do another round of hcg if needed.  We'll see when I get there.  I started out at,.... ok I'm going to tell my weight here... but I think I'm ok with that....215 lbs.  and am now 187 lbs.  I'd still like to lose another 30 pounds, but at this time I can see the light at the end of the tunnel and I will get there.  Life is Good.  Pictures to come later. ;-)

Life goes on. :)

Life is good. I'm greatful for all that I have. I've been doing a special diet and have finally been able to lose some weight. So far I've lost 28 pounds, and I'm finally feeling better. Better than I have for a long time.