Thursday, October 14, 2010
It's been six and a half months.
wow, what to say. Somedays I feel great. Others I just want to scream at everyone who walks past me and sees me with no baby, and has no idea what happened, that "I just had a baby dang-it" It seems like just yesterday sometimes. It still really hurts, and I miss him. Other people's babies are growing up all around me. Mine is too, he's growing spiritually, we just can't see his growth right now, can't mark it on the wall, or ooooh and ahhh over all his progress. I know that someday I'll be able to raise him and touch him and hold him. This does bring great comfort. But it doesn't take away the pain of not having him now. I'll be patient. I have to. But it doesn't just go away. I'm greatful for the memories I do have, and the moments I feel close to him. I'm greatful for all the blessings my Father in Heaven has given me. I know He cares.
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5 comments:
sis you are amazing i read this i cried my heart to you and your little one i know zeke is in a safe place.....i know you miss him you think your the only one who miss him....i miss HIM too....i know his spriti is all around us i can feel it when i come to your house or when we always get together i feel he's there with your kids....sis i love you so much///i dont know what else to say I LOVE YOU and most important things that OUR HEAVENLY FATHER LOVE YOU SO MUCH:)
Oh how I remember being kind of surprised that even the 'knowing' didn't mean not hurting or not having achingly empty arms. It was comforting and brought peace but didn't fill that huge gaping hole in me, at least not all at once. Glad some days are great. Hopefully the great days will outnumber the gut wrenching days. Just wanted you to know you are still in the thoughts and prayers of so many.
Mellonee
Thanks for posting. You're in my thoughts and prayers. I love the temple too. I was there last week and had to put you in the prayer roll. I know nothing I can say will fill your empty arms, but just know that I love you!! You're my hero! Can't wait to see you in December.
Sweet Zeke is growing spiritually, but he has great need of the growing that comes of being with his mother- you'll have your sweet boy. It's neat (and inspirational) to see how near to him you are, and to see how you are so aware of his nearness to you.
I love you-
I love you Leejean!! you are an example to me.
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