Happy Birthday Day Wesley!!!

Wow, eight years ago today, I was scared to death waiting to embark on the newest, grandest, and hardest adventure of my life.  I was getting ready to give birth for the first time.  I remember knowing without a doubt that I was going to die, and someone else was going to have to raise my baby.  But as you can read I did not die and my fears gave way to incredible joy as I found myself holding a new purplish little monkey-face that I found absolutely beautiful.  Now he's eight and comes up to my shoulders, can wear my shoes & socks.  He's such a good boy and I'm so proud of him.  I would "die" all over again to have him in my life.  Happy birthday to my first baby.  I love you Wesley!

Happy Thanksgiving!!!!

With so many things to be thankful for it's hard to pick just one.  Of course we all think first of our families, spouses and children, parents and siblings.  My sister said it well today when it came to her turn around the table, she said that she was thankful for the little things, like a kind husband who plugs in her phone for her at night when she forgets.  Her daughter who learns new things, and her baby son who smiles a lot.  It makes me think of all the little things I'm greatful for.  Like a dishwasher to help me with my dishes.  A warm home in the middle of the winter.  Lights that come on with the flip of a switch.  A vehicle that runs and takes me where ever I need to go. 

I'm greatful for a husband that respects me and never puts me down.  For kids that want to be good (deep down) ;-).  They are still kids afterall.  What are you greatful for?

Losing it one day at a time!

This time I'm not talking about my sanity, but my fat.  YEAH!! I've lost a whopping 30 pounds in 40 days.  I did the hcg diet.  I'm now onto phase 3 which is maintenance.  I still have some restrictions but not as much as I had for the past 6 weeks.  This has been great for me. 

Before starting the hcg I'd had another miscarriage and my hormones were way wacked.  I felt totally crazy, and not in the fun way.  But I started the hcg and immediately felt better.  No more crazies.  :-)  Through the 6 weeks my hormones have balanced out.  I've been off the hcg for 1.5 days now and am still feeling good.  It's also supposed to help reset my out of wack metabolism.  This I am way excited about. 

Besides fighting a slight cold, I feel better than I have in years, ok maybe even 8 years.  It's nice to feel like you want to live and can do things other than just for survival.  After 6 weeks of maintenance I can do another round of hcg if needed.  We'll see when I get there.  I started out at,.... ok I'm going to tell my weight here... but I think I'm ok with that....215 lbs.  and am now 187 lbs.  I'd still like to lose another 30 pounds, but at this time I can see the light at the end of the tunnel and I will get there.  Life is Good.  Pictures to come later. ;-)

Life goes on. :)

Life is good. I'm greatful for all that I have. I've been doing a special diet and have finally been able to lose some weight. So far I've lost 28 pounds, and I'm finally feeling better. Better than I have for a long time.

It's been six and a half months.

wow, what to say. Somedays I feel great. Others I just want to scream at everyone who walks past me and sees me with no baby, and has no idea what happened, that "I just had a baby dang-it" It seems like just yesterday sometimes. It still really hurts, and I miss him. Other people's babies are growing up all around me. Mine is too, he's growing spiritually, we just can't see his growth right now, can't mark it on the wall, or ooooh and ahhh over all his progress. I know that someday I'll be able to raise him and touch him and hold him. This does bring great comfort. But it doesn't take away the pain of not having him now. I'll be patient. I have to. But it doesn't just go away. I'm greatful for the memories I do have, and the moments I feel close to him. I'm greatful for all the blessings my Father in Heaven has given me. I know He cares.

Zeke Quilts

Here are the quilts we made for Zeke for the kids to remember him by. I realized that I hadn't posted them yet.

Gratitude

Just thought I'd list a few things that I'm greatful for. Things that help me get over the crazies.

1. The temple-- I can feel such peace and love when I got there. It feels like coming home after you've been gone for some time. Once after missing a few weeks, when I was able to go again I almost cried just walking into the building, the feeling was so familiar and needed. Since Zeke passed I've been able to go almost every week. Which leads me to another "thing" I'm greatful for.

2. Friends who watch my kids so that I can go to the temple so often. Friends that I can call when I feel so crazy. Friends that I know will come at the drop of a hat, the minute they know I need help. And of course my sisters are included in my list of friends that I can count on. And friends that evne though they are far away, still love and pray for me. Friends that when you see them again, even 18 years later, are still as close as when we parted.

3. Kids. Even though they can contribute to my crazy emotions, they also still love me and depend on me even after my meltdowns. I love them. Sometimes we take turns having meltdowns. But that's normal, right? he he.

4. My sweet husband, who is so special to me that he gets his own category. I love him. There are not words to say what he does for me.

well, kids need to eat, and that means I must go to fix something. :) So i'll think somemore on this subject and perhaps that will help me through this day. :)